Last Updated on August 8, 2024
The art of pushing yourself to start something when no one around you is validating your goals.
When I was younger, I stuck out like a sore thumb. Black, sarcastic, too enthusiastic in class, chubby—you name it. My peers didn’t understand me and neither did I. I was figuring it out, and unfortunately, doing it in front of a live studio audience. It seemed like there was a neon sign always following me around that screamed: “Weirdo Alert!”
There were trial runs. Attempts to “find myself” or start a new hobby, but none one truly understood what the end goal was, myself included. One of the more notable occurrences of this was in middle school when I discovered K-pop. Kids these days will never relate because the genre is now mainstream and popular, but in 2011, in a Southern, private, primarily white school, this was outlandish. I didn’t care though. This music had opened my eyes to a whole new world, broadened my horizons, and I wanted to share it. I remember lying on my stomach, on the floor of one of my friend’s bedroom during a sleep over, trying to give my best sales pitch as to why this type of music was fantastic. I played a song out loud.
But we can’t understand any of the words, they said.
When was catchiness ever based on the words? I responded.
After two choruses, a bridge, and a random rap interlude in broken English, they asked me to play something—anything—else. I was instantly self-conscious and regretted sharing my passion. I stopped talking about it around them, and soon stopped listening to it altogether.
Time passed quickly, senior year came and with it, the dreaded college admissions process. Almost everyone around me was applying to a large southern state, traditional school. I decided to stick out, just one last time, and went to a small liberal arts college in the middle of nowhere Vermont. At the time, my main motivator was to move away from home.
Now, I realize that I just wanted to experiment and get to know myself without the old me clashing with the new. No one would know me, so why would they care that I was doing?
Since that bold decision, I have continued to reject the status-quo against my own better judgement. I got a degree in something wildly unorthodox: Astronomy, aka Astrology, according to most that don’t know the difference and at least half of my family.
And here I am again, determined to start a successful blog with no writing experience and only lukewarm responses from my network.
So, what’s the secret to all this? How does someone embark on a journey with no life-raft, supporting crew, or clear path?
Find Your Why
I know. This is incredibly cliché and unoriginal, but so SO important. You are the sole author of the story that is Your Life. No one can write it but you. You’re the main character, about to undergo some big internal development that will ultimately change the way the story continues.
Why would all of this happen for no reason?
You have to understand your ‘why’, or else no one else will. Granted, they probably already don’t—that’s why you’re reading this post. But it will be easier for you to get thrown off course and convinced into returning to your comfort zone if you don’t have a clear cut ‘why’.
Do yourself a favor and make a list, check it twice. Find out whether you’re naughty or nice, etc. Here’s a snapshot of the list that I made for myself when creating this website:
- To create a portfolio for my freelance writing business.
- To express myself in a way that I’ve been craving for years.
- To get paid to create content that I actually care about.
…so on and so forth. Write down as many things as you possibly can, and don’t worry about being profound or deep. You can do something just for the money (although, it might be hard to stick with it long-term if you don’t also enjoy it)!!
Value Yourself—the Whole Package
When I was two years old, I was speaking in full sentences. At four, my favorite word was ‘actually’. Why I thought that a degree in STEM would suit me, instead of the Language Arts that I’d always loved through school, is beyond me.
When I look back at my life and all the times that I decided to branch out and try something new, those moments were all defined by one thing: the need to protect some aspect of myself. It could have been my values, my sense of curiosity, my self-image. Even my mental health!
I’ve found that when forced to choose between conforming to what is “normal” or staying true to myself, I pick myself. Can you say the same?
This step is probably the hardest. There’s always going to be something about ourselves that we don’t like and that threatens our ego or self-image. But you can’t have one without the other. Those parts of yourself need to come with you on the journey, at least until you can grow out of them or change them (if they are changeable).
Nobody knows you like you know yourself (despite what your mother may think). If it’s time for you to change pace and do something more in alignment with your true self, the person you want to be, don’t ask for permission. You likely won’t get it.
Don’t even ask for forgiveness! Ultimately, you aren’t doing anything wrong. I wish someone was there to tell my younger self that.
Have A Few Steps Planned Out
As I am writing this post, I have a grand total of…eight sessions for this site. I think most of those are me, honestly. Although new, the grand opening was a little weak. Admittedly, I was discouraged a few days into this adventure.
That doesn’t mean I’m giving up, though!
(PRO TIP: Spite can take a person extremely far. I’m not saying to make this the beginning of your villain origin story—no need for theatrics. But what’s a success story without a few haters or obstacles in their way? A boring one, in my opinion. Everyone has someone or something that they are trying to overcome. Dedicate yourself to winning this imaginary war with a vengeance, and you will find you have more energy that you thought possible.)
Something that helps me feel like I am in control is to have a loose plan. You don’t need to outline every step, but having an end goal with even just two steps towards that can help you get the ball rolling.
Here is my loose plan at the moment:
Make a blog —> Use as a portfolio for freelance writing —> Become an official freelance writer
As you can see, there is a clear beginning, middle, and end to my plan. You may not know the middle steps, yet. That’s okay, it will come with time and dedication! Just like your ‘reasons why’ list, this rough draft of your steps forward can help you explain yourself when cornered with the “What are you doing?” question. And it’ll help you gain confidence in the process.
You are embarking on what may be a huge journey for you—most commitments to change are! By having a North Star, you lower the chances of getting lost along the way. Point blank, period.
Interested in starting a blog like I did? Here’s a list of the most profitable blog niches for newbies.
No One Cares…Which is Good!
I can’t tell you to stop caring what people think about you. That’s easier said than done, not how people are naturally wired, and would make me a hypocrite.
Branching out and being your true authentic self, without any fear about public perception, is extremely difficult. That’s why it’s not everybody. You’re not everybody.
Do your thing anyway.
As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, no one actually cares. That can be a slight problem when it’s the people you love, but you can still use it to your advantage.
Work hard at what you want. Make moves in silence. Document your milestones and achievements along the way! Who knows, maybe one day they’ll be asking you how you did it.
Go forth!
